January 2012
47 posts
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Have you ever driven down a country road at night and wondered if the drivers heading the opposite direction are wearing clothes?
You would never know.
December 2011
73 posts
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I wanted to brag about how hot it is in Texas right now, but it’s going to be 42 in Minnesota today. Unacceptable, Minnesota.
Anonymous asked: What did you do for lighting in that pic?
There’s a sales associate at work, who I hate more than the other sales associates because she’s even lazier and expects me to do favors for her. Today I gave a homeless guy at work $10 in exchange for asking her out on a date as a mean practical joke. He did, she went insane, had a mental breakdown, called the manager a cunt, then quit.
Don’t you love when things go better than...
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I’m not really a political person but whenever someone brings up a story they heard on Fox News, I like to bring up my own stories like “Arkansas pre-school teacher found guilty of distributing meth to students” or “New 2012 Fords incompatible with all Christian music radio stations” or “President Obama’s graffiti found in Washington DC restroom” to...
Anonymous asked: Tim and Eric's Chrimbus special, and more specifically A Chrimbus Carol, make me so fucking uncomfortable but I can't look away.
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Today I ran into/actually talked to someone I recognized from high school. He asked what I’ve been up to and I went into most of the stuff like living a small fraction of my dreams, traveling around working alongside some of my favorite bands, etc. I asked what he’s accomplished in the last few years, knowing that he’s a half-retarded heap of cells, and he went on to tell me this...
The same gas station with the cologne dispenser in the bathroom was selling shots of vodka out of a Rubbermaid container on the front counter as “stocking stuffers.”
Missouri.
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My favorite body odor joke “You smell like cologne from a truck stop bathroom” is no longer valid because I found out a truck stop with a cologne spritzer in the bathroom.
My weekends are even more pathetic in Illinois
Just got back from the mall making fun of the terrible and depressing Christmas visual displays by myself.
Also, everyone I recognized from high school had a baby with them. Every one of them.
If anyone in Minneapolis wants to go to Illinois tomorrow and knows how to drive stick, drive my car while I watch really terrible 5-movie DVD packs from Walmart in the passenger’s seat.
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My schedule at work is horribly screwed up and I have to call my boss every Saturday to make sure I actually get scheduled for the following week (I show up in a different pool of employees than he has access to and has the memory of a chipmunk). I thought this was a pain in the ass, but then I realized I can take a week of vacation whenever I want.
I basically live off freelancing anyways, so...
Anonymous asked: What kind of sorcery bartering did you use to get Chapman lamps for under $17?
Christmas list
Tape measure (and not a shitty plastic-cased one that breaks when it falls off my belt)
18” China balls and sockets
Pro-grade fog machine
That’s it.
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WatchIt isn’t Wilhelm Scream but it’s still James Blake’s voice.
Anonymous asked: Every time I hear "Baby It's Cold Outside" all I can think of is how creepy it is, and everyone just tells me to shut up and stop being cynical.
“Woah alcohol stop making me talk all sexy”
– girl in hooker boots who walked by me downtown
Why is one of the most famous Christmas songs about date rape? Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean she’s going to fuck you tonight.
“The life of a designer is a life of fight against the ugliness.”
– MASSIMO VIGNELLI (via designcloud)
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I just bought $250 worth of grip gear and 2 glass 1977 Chapman lamps from a visual sale at work. Total cost: $16.
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Things that have been invented:
Ergonomic wine glasses with ridges for your fingers
A caddy to hold your McDonald’s fries in your cup holder
A spaghetti fork that turns automatically
Hair dye designed for dogs
An inflatable barbeque
Things that haven’t been invented:
Black jeans that don’t attract every cat hair within a block
Anonymous asked: Not to be uber creepy, but were you at Goodwill on Friday?
Earlier this morning I told my producer about my Ratatat/spaghetti/underwear girl music video dream and now I’m talking to a couple models who would actually do it. (M/SP media inside joke: Still waiting for a response from Joel Thingvall.)
I’m also eating a bag of frozen strawberries out of a Kitchenaid mixer bowl.
WatchHowls- Hammock directed by Jul and Mat.
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I had a dream where some girl in her underwear was smearing herself with spaghetti sauce and eating plain spaghetti noodles straight out of the colander while Ratatat played in the background.
This could totally be a Ratatat video, so who wants to join for some test shoots?
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It's Battles. →
Battles. For Pitchfork.
Their compression really killed our 3D fog effect, but it still turned out really fucking cool.
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